..[[Prayer]]..
Prayer. Friends, it's talking to our Creator. You're probably wondering why I decided to name this entry " speck of glitter".....well just keep reading :) These past few months or so I have discovered how helpless I am with what goes on in my life. As much as I would like to, I cannot control when things get complicated. These things consume my mind and I can be positive and uplifting to anybody else about their situations, but when it comes to myself I automatically fill my head with negative thoughts. I sit and think, and usually I make situations worse in my head than they really are. It's times like these, in the midst of wanting to almost give up when I remember back to a moment when I really heard God speak to me. I was clinching onto my steering wheel, tears streaming from my face and I was spilling my feelings out on God. I was angry, frustrated, and confused. If anyone was people watching, they probably thought I was crazy because I looked ridiculous. But I mean, I probably always look ridiculous when I drive because when I'm not playing the drums on my steering wheel I'm singing at the top of my lungs into my little plastic water bottle haha... Anyways, after 20 minutes of rambling on about poor ole me I had finally run out of words. Then the Lord so kindly brought some things to my attention, and I sat there in awe. First of all I realized, holy cow that was God. Then it was, He was really listening to me?! I was speechless and excited and overwhelmed with a million different emotions. I like to look back on this moment because it removes any doubts I have towards God and His ability to work in my life. It's also a reminder that God is faithful to answer prayer. He knows what is best for my life and desires for me to experience what He has in store for me. Why not seek Him in times of confusion about school, and jobs, and even the smallest of decisions? He may not answer right after you completely pour yourself out to Him, it may not even be a month later, but He will come through. Just keep seeking, even when you are full of questions and do not understand what God is doing. It is so hard to pray the same things over and over for such a long time when there is no answer, but know that the moment I put my trust in myself and my own strength I will surely fall. I have to surrender myself to His perfect will and lay it all down. Kari Jobe's song says it pretty darn well, "Here at your alter, I am letting go of all I've held. Of every motive, every burden, everything that's of myself." Laying it all down and continuing to seek Him and His guidance through life has taught how to take the focus off of myself and my plans. It's taught me how to place things in the Lord's hands and let Him take care of it. He is big and holds not just the world, not just our galaxy, but the entire universe, and has control of it all. We are...(are you ready for it??) like the speck of glitter on my big, blue rug :) When we are aware of just how tiny we are, we are stunned with the reality that we have been made in His likeness, and invited to know Him more! I am small, but He knows my name. I am small but he pursues me in His love. I am small but I have been purchased and redeemed. I am small but I know the Creator of the universe. God is more massive than my wildest imagination and bigger than the biggest word I could try and come up with to describe Him! What's even more amazing is that He wants a relationship with me, and He wants to use me in His Story for His glory. I guess the reason I wrote all of that stuff was just to say, in the words of Lecrae, "Keep praying. When you stop praying, you stop hoping." I just realized I have eaten half of my wheat thins...in the family size box. I think it's is time to be done!
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